Friday, March 28, 2008

George W. Bush

I don't generally like to talk about politics unless and until I'm in the mood to raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels. Since I've had a migraine all day, I'm not going to get into the Bush tax cuts that only benefit the people who need money the least. Nor am I going to discuss the No Child Left Behind Act, which, as we all know, leaves children and even entire schools behind everyday. Nope, definitely don't want to talk about the destruction of civil liberties that was the Patriot Act or his indifference to the suffering of the poor following Hurricane Katrina or his blatant lies to the American people regarding the "involvement" of Saddam Hussein in 9/11 or, good Lord, I'm going to have a stroke.

But I don't have to talk about these things to discuss why I hate the Dubya so much. There's so much about him as a person, not even as a President, that I dislike.
First, he's a moron. I once heard someone say that if he's the President, he MUST be smart. Wrong. I definitely believe he plays up his "Ole Slowhand McIdiot" routine so that the average American will say, "Now, here's a guy that's almost as dumb as me. Elect him, by golly, he's so much less boring than the other one, Al BORE (see how clever and quick-witted the average American is?!)." However, you have to have attained a certain level of legitimate dim-wittedness to feel ok saying something like "Do you have blacks, too?" to the Brazilian President, or "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test" at a press conference.
Newsflash, America: Dubya's idiocy is not lovable or endearing. It does not make him a "real" guy, and it certainly doesn't make him a statesman. Maybe I'm just being high-minded, but I would like my President to have a least a vague grasp on pronouns and the way in which we use them in the English language. Do you know why? Because he is the leader of the most powerful nation in the free world! And we can't try get rid of the little shit for at least four years, unless, of course, he gets a blow job from a chubby woman.

I guess I am "misunderestimating" him a bit, though. I mean, after all, he may not be that smart, but he's still President material, right? Oh wait, no, he's not, just watch him speak. Whenever I'm feeling particularly masochistic, I'll watch a Bush press conference. The subject could be any number of very serious topics. Without fail, though, he stands there at his little podium with a shit-eating grin on his face. If I ever meet the big W, ya know, at a bar or something, the first and only question I will ask him will be "WHAT IS SO GODDAMN FUNNY?!" That's usually what I scream at the television, anyway. But seriously, what is it, exactly, that he's so entertained by? Yes, George, isn't it just hilarious that the U.S. death toll in Iraq has topped 4,000? And doesn't it just tickle you pink that North Korea has begun testing its nuclear arsenal? Oh, George, what a side-splitting story about the mortgage crisis!
Someone should tell Georgie Boy that, even if you're so wealthy, powerful, and out-of-touch that you don't have to worry about war casualties or recessions, you would do well to feign interest in these subjects when talking to the American people. And, even if you're so indifferent that faking interest is too burdensome, at least suppress the urge to grin like an ape.

Ok, I can't talk about Dubya anymore or I won't survive until morning. OBAMA RULES!

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