Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Local News

I really don't understand why the local news is so bad. But it's terrible no matter what city you're in. What resources are local news stations lacking that national news outlets have? Obviously money, but this just doesn't explain how bad every aspect of local news.


First, let's discuss the newspeople. When I watch Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira on the Today show every morning, I see two natural-looking people. Sure, Matt is balding, but that just makes him more real. Meredith wears sensible boots and cute wool coats. They have breezy, light-hearted conversation, and I really feel like they're my friends! (stop laughing at me). Even Al, who might be the most obnoxious person on the face of the planet (after, of course, Ty Pennington, who spends that entire home makeover show screaming into a bullhorn) at least resembles a real human-the rotund, but lovable oaf-type character. Then, there's the local newspeople. The women of the news are nightmare-inducing. Their faces actually look like plastic faces! Like, instead of foundation they choose each morning to cover their faces with a nice coat of surfboard wax. Their hairstyles are either from a different era altogether or simply absurd. Until very recently, I thought one of the women on the Indy news had a short, boy-type hair cut. Then, one morning, she wore it differently, and I realized it had just been plastered to her head for the past few weeks, creating the illusion of short hair. Surely, I'm not the only one who finds this bizarre at best. The newsmen are ok, I guess, but I always thought you had to have at least a modicum of good looks to make it in the television world.


Then, there's the stories. I realize it's hard to find hours of newsworthy stuff a day in just one city, but really...try harder. Inevitably, I get hooked on some stupid headline while watching Oprah. Something like, "Could your milk be killing you as we speak?" How compelling...my ordinary, everyday milk could be killing me? As we speak?! I'm not even drinking milk! So, despite my better judgment, I leave the news on, because who can take these kinds of risks in today's dangerous world? The news begins. First, some murders. Then local sports. Now, weather. Apparently, this pressing issue can wait until the end of the news hour. Then, finally, YES, the story on the milk. Unquestionably, the story will last approximately 32 seconds. It will be something like, "Recent research says that milk is essential for good bone health. If you don't drink enough milk, you could develop osteoporosis. Osteoporisis is most prevalent in old people, who frequently die. That's the news for tonight, thanks for watching." Duped yet again by the local news.


Lastly, there's the presentation. I recognize that I know nothing of the technical aspects of moving from live news to a pre-recorded news story tape or of connecting to an on-location anchor, but I feel that if we as a civilization have advanced to the point that we are on the cusp of the cure for cancer, we can figure these things out. I don't know that I've ever watched 1 hour of local news without seeing a presentation mistake. Usually, it's in the cut-away to on-location guy. The camera is on him, but he's unaware that his part of the news bit has begun, so he just stares blankly for about 1 full minute in silence. By the time he realizes he's been looking like a jackass, they're cutting back to the in-station anchor and moving on as though it never happened. Which is what I ultimately wish whenever I am stupid enough to watch the local news...that it never happened.



And, while we're on the subject, here's a great one from the You Tube files. Seriously, not much makes me laugh harder than this video. Enjoy.

2 comments:

Beside the point said...

oh. my. god. THANK you for bringing Bub Rub and Lil' Sis back into my life. I just died laughing.

Sue Ellen Mishky said...

Yeah, they're pretty much amazing people. We should build public parks in their names.