Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Southern Lady Acronyms/Taglines

Examples:
G.R.I.T.S. (Girls Raised in the South)
“Carolina Girl, Best in the World”
S.L.U.T.S (Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress)

Perhaps you’re not aware of this annoyance. Even if you’re from the South, I’ve found that you encounter these pretty much only in Charleston. While Charleston is, in my humble opinion, the only city worth living in/visiting/driving through in South Carolina, I just don’t think this is the reason for these “creative” little slogans. I think it all comes down to two words: Redneck yuppies. Yes, it sounds like an oxymoron, but Charleston is teeming with them, and they LOVE to put these phrases on bumper stickers, canvas tote bags, and non-hooded sweatshirts. But, really, WHY are they such a Charleston thing? I honestly don’t know, but I would like to dissect my three examples individually to explain why they annoy me so much.

G.R.I.T.S: This is stupid. Do people in Georgia wear these shirts? Maybe they do, but I’ve never encountered a pink t-shirt with a colored pencil rendition of a beach scene and G.R.I.T.S emblazoned on the bottom anywhere but here. The South is large. Grits are a food. This is stupid.

“Carolina Girl, Best in the World”: First of all, “girl” and “world” don’t rhyme. But, slant rhyme is acceptable in most intellectual circles so I won’t argue too much on this point. However, has anyone noticed that this phrase can include ANY other type of girl on the planet? For instance, “South Dakota Girl, Best in the World,” or “Fat Ugly Girl, Best in the World.” See, what makes a place-oriented rhyming slogan workable is that it is somehow unique to the place. The phrase “Getting Lucky in Kentucky,” while lame, is unique because there aren’t many other places you could “get lucky” in that actually rhyme with lucky. What would be far lamer is a bumper sticker that said “Kentucky Girl, Best in the World.” But we Carolina girls (read: Charleston redneck yuppies) are apparently the only ones dumb enough to monopolize this phrase before all the other 5 trillion adjectives and place names could get there.

S.L.U.T.S: I don’t know if I’ve been away too long, or if I just missed it growing up, but I learned this one only recently, after seeing it on a package of cocktail napkins and (of course) a non-hooded sweatshirt at a store in Charleston. I can barely articulate an intelligent reply to this acronym because I find it so absurd. Where will these Southern ladies STOP?? What minute detail of their life with they immortalize in an acronym next? How much more inappropriate will the acronym get? I mean, surely only women over the age of 41 wear these items anymore…but I guess it’s ok for them to have the word SLUTS in giant letters on their ugly sweatshirt because it’s just a cute little acronym that only Southern gals like themselves could understand. When you think about, there are probably a lot of W.H.O.R.E.S (Women Happy Only Reading Eight Sonnets) and F.A.T. A.S.S.E.S (Fun And Talented Actors Sitting Still Eating Sandwiches) out there. And why shouldn’t THEY get an acronym too? Washed-denim, embroidered button-ups for EVERYONE!

1 comment:

Beside the point said...

ok seriously, why do they even MAKE non-hooded sweatshirts?!